A milestone event in my life happened Sunday, October 20th. In a quiet ceremony in the rose garden at Veterans Memorial Park, Albuquerque, NM., my son Brian wed his long-time partner, Dewey, in a same-sex marriage service.
I say ‘milestone’ because, as Dewey said following the ceremony, “I never thought I’d live to see this day.” County by county in New Mexico same-sex unions have been legalized in recent months and when Bernalillo County began issuing marriage licenses Brian and Dewey stood in line at the courthouse to get theirs.
I call them “my Boyz.” They’ve been together 14 years. After Charlotte’s death they moved to Albuquerque from East Tennessee “to help Dad.”
And they have ‘helped Dad’ in more ways than they realize. They’ve helped me confront my prejudices, my rigid religious upbringing, my ingrained certainty of righteous hold on truth. They’ve helped me broaden my mind and deepen my soul. The Boyz have helped me grow, not just ‘up’, but down into a deeper and richer man.
As I told them at their union ceremony, their 14-year partnership has been a revelation to me. What they have between them– what I’ve seen in them in times of stress and bliss — is authentic respect, affection, and love for each other. Simply put, they are kind and caring and nurturing to each other– what every Father wishes for his child’s life with another.
I’ve come a long way since days of rigid dogma and doom. Feels good to see myself becoming more like my angels on four-inch legs. Scotties don’t practice bigotry and they don’t stereotype. They simply love their own as they are, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, as long as they live.
It takes a lifetime to grow a life. And maybe old dogs CAN learn new tricks.
I know this old Scottie Man is stretching his horizons and learning that love is bigger than a book or a theology. Love isn’t owned by the church. Love is more than hormones, bigger than sexual preference debates. It lives and thrives and is real in loving acts of kind-hearted people, gay or otherwise, and love is false when claimed but not lived in union, whether gay or otherwise.
For me, at least, my Boyz have opened my heart with joy and celebration to a ‘new trick’ whose time has come.
Joseph Harvill, publisher Great Scots Magazine